April 4, 2014

a fellow once told me his woes
upon breaking his fingers and toes
he started to cry
and ain’t no-one knows why
but the word is “phalange-lachrymose”

April 3, 2014

there once was a cro-magnon man
who evolved to drink beer from a can
he wouldn’t say coors
if you asked him “what’s yours?”
he’d just grunt about bud’s cosmic plan

April 1, 2014

a giraffe who liked beer exclaimed “heck!
would you say that this here’s demi-sec?”
i just drank my champagne
as it started to rain
not desiring to stick out my neck

March 30, 2014

a depraved girl who called herself stan
had been craving an edible tan
she sandwiched her tits
in eggs bacon and grits
and then fried herself up in a pan

March 28, 2014

a race horse who called himself ace
found it hard to keep up with the pace
a filly from philly
said “hey, don’t be silly
you lost this time, but why the long face?”

March 26, 2014

so i’m like, omg wtf
qvc, cvs and a duck
i rotf
laughing ‘till i was s
after which i repaired to the library

March 25, 2014

psychoanalysts say that carl jung
always dreamed of a large extra lung
every breath that he’d take
wouldn’t make his wife wake
notwithstanding her id - highly strung

March 23, 2014
P v ~P

a fellow once followed a queue
whilst a folk song was playing askew
it began with a fiddle,
excluded the middle
and finished not false and not true

March 23, 2014

once a knight went to old monserrat
just to fight for the minuscule cat
people said its faint purr
could be heard from round there
but i wouldn’t go quite far as that

March 20, 2014

once a man who desired to have tits
met a woman who lived through the blitz
she gave him a quote
on some breasts in her coat
but it turns out they worked for the brits

March 19, 2014

once a fan of veronica mars
had a hard-on for more than four hours
his doc said “that blows -
but put on women’s clothes;
you can still go and hang around bars”